


Broken

by KeisSkyrunner



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Gen, Genji wants to help, Not knowing one's self, Pre-Reconciliation, Regret, and guidance, hanzo needs some hugs, some character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 11:05:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12209994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeisSkyrunner/pseuds/KeisSkyrunner
Summary: Hanzo doesn't know who he is. He never did.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Wrote this on the plane on my first ever long trip on my own to study in England. Wrecked with anxiety and listening to One More Light on repeat, I thought back to a conversation I had with one of my dearest Overwatch friends. It was about how Hanzo always seemed to contradict himself and to me, he looked to be someone who doesn't know who he is. This is not to say that Hanzo's character can be simplified and justified by saying that he is just a lost man (for all the admittedly kinda jerk-esque behaviour he does), it is simply my interpretation of it (without having much to reference on the plane), superficial it may be.

Hanzo Shimada, in many ways and respects, was a broken man. He could never discern who he truly was, pulled by so many desires, motivations and regrets. But he was taught that to appear confused and lost was a sign of weakness; unacceptable for the one who was meant to be the heir of the Shimada clan.

And so he never figured himself out. Never explored his inner self and consciousness. The parts that he could count as his true self were buried deep under the countless teachings the Elders drilled and grinded excruciatingly into his mind.

Honour. Obedience. Strength. Discipline. Rules. Respect.

The only times he slipped was when he was with his little brother, his little Sparrow. His love for his brother was his rebellion: taking on more responsibilities so that Genji could slip from his duties, sneaking the younger Shimada little treats from the kitchen, joining him in little childhood games even though Hanzo knew he was too old to be seen playing them anymore.

Oh he did resent his brother, Hanzo was only human after all.

The older Shimada brother was jealous of the freedom and the carefreeness his brother enjoyed. He was jealous of the times his Father pretended to not notice Genji being noticeably absent from his duty, while he was watched closely like a hawk. He was jealous of his brother knowing who he was, what he wanted, and how willing he was to fight for it. He was jealous of the inner strength that Genji possessed and he didn't.

And yet, his love and desire to protect the light in his brother's hazel eyes was stronger. At least he thought it was. At least he thought it was as "honour" compelled him to raise the sword, as "respect" told him that the Elders were right in their judgement, as "strength" bested the weakness of the fallen Sparrow before him....

As "pride" prevented him from accepting that the cyborg before him was his brother, from accepting fully that he was wrong all along, from accepting that his quest for redemption has long been twisted by denial, the flaws and the blind crusade that he set out on.

"Brother..." the familiar voice, now tinged with a definite robotic undertone, called him back to the present.

Hanzo's eyes registered the sight of the cyborg ninja before him, the green glow of the visor pulsing gently... as if what Hanzo could almost imagine as concern. The archer bit his tongue.

Why? Why was his first immediate response to snipe at his brother, the brother he had thought and claimed to love? Perhaps he was really the asshole people see him to be, the piece of work that seemingly regrets his actions but never genuinely makes up for it... pulled, ripped and torn in many directions he was.

"Brother...you already know that you have to forgive yourself."

Forgiveness? How can anyone forgive an unrepentant and disoriented fuck like he was. Least of all the victim of his biggest fucking mistake.

"Do you remember the time by the koi pond that one autumn day, a year before Father passed away?" Genji asked with a humourless chuckle. Hanzo couldn't remember which day it was, the memories of his childhood home seared over by that one last memory.

"I asked you why didn't you have any more time to play with me anymore. You had the most sad and complicated expression on your face, brother. A mixture of envy, sadness, determination and most of all... love. You told me, 'I work harder so that you will have the best and happiest childhood that I'll never have, Sparrow.'"

The former Shimada heir's heart throbbed painfully. And he broke that promise. With his own bloody hands.

"That day, I saw my older brother who loved me above all things in his life, someone so willing to sacrifice himself for the happiness of others. I thought that day, that I had the best brother anyone could ask for."

"... but the day you were sent to kill me..." Hanzo felt his heart clenched harder, his body tensing at the pain and regret of the memory.

Cold metal fingers touched his left shoulder. The archer flinched, violently squashing the instinctual desire to attack the owner of the hand.

"That day, I saw my older brother torn apart at the seams, so lost, unsure and alone in his fear and position. He didn't know who he was and the voices in his head wouldn't stop screaming at him. And I thought that day, that if my brother has sacrificed so much for me, at the cost of never knowing himself, I hope that my death would at least quieten the voices in his head."

The archer trembled, tears clouding his eyes as he bowed his head. He was not worthy. He was so not fucking worthy. The voices didn't quieten, he just pretended that they weren't there as he clung to the broken shattered pieces of "honour" and "redemption", contradicting himself with every fucking step of the way.

"And I'm glad I didn't." Hanzo could hear some shifting, the sounds of someone coming closer.

"Don't." He choked out.

"It pains me to see what you have become. You began a path to redeem yourself, whilst losing yourself further. You began to sacrifice more for the brother you thought dead. If I was truly dead, I would have been extremely sad that I gave my life for this."

Cybernetic feet entered the archer's blurred vision. "I won't let you sarcrifice yourself needlessly anymore."

"I no longer sacrifice. I never have. Do not paint me as a martyr. I am already selfish, I am nothing but a selfish piece of unworthy scum." Hanzo spat.

"Selfish? You are drowning in your own poison, brother. I would call that self-inflicted abuse."

"It's for the best. I know no other way." The words uttered tasted familiarly bitter.

"Then I will show you a better way, Anija."

Hearing the endearment, from a familiar and yet slightly different voice, knocked the wind out of Hanzo's lungs. Memories of happy times in another life flickered through his mind. No... no!

The archer spun around abruptly and stormed out of the room, a stray tear tracing its way down his face.

_"Anija, will we be friends forever?"_

_"Of course little Sparrow. We are more than friends, we are brothers. Your blood is my blood. We will have good times and bad times aplenty but we shall always weather them together."_

_"Yeah! Together!"_


End file.
